you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
