So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
