i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
