RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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