was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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