i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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