there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
