i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
