what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
