Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
