She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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