She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
