i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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