you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
