u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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