He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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