What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize