I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
