omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
