she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
