why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
