i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
