i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
