you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
