I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
