So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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