just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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