Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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