My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A bitchslap is in order.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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