I love black thongs
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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