I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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