This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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