The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Rumble strips road head = magical
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
