We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
