Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
