He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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