Who did Billy Mays play for?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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