when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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