Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
