Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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