I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
