sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
