I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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