i don't plan on having that self control this summer
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
