I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
