I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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