I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
