Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
