I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
nutella sex= disaster
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
