Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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