Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
