The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
