I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
