The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
