Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
