And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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