After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
