Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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