I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
