U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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