She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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