I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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