bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
