Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
