and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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