Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
