Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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