life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
