real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
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Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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